lovethatjourney | ooc: info post!

She's a Lamborghini, she's a Hollywood Star, she's a little bit Alexis.

"My horoscope said that I shouldn't assume responsibility for anybody but myself today, so…"

Alexis is coming to you from a little Canadian show called Schitt's Creek, in which a wealthy family goes bankrupt and ends up in a tiny town called Schitt's Creek, which the dad bought as a joke. The Rose family, including video store mogul Johnny, wig-obsessed former soap opera store Moira and their adult children, self-described black sheep David and celebutante daughter Alexis, have to move into two rooms in a rundown motel. Over six seasons they learn to actually love each other and what they have, and also the town and the people in it, and it's all very heartwarming. I only cry at it for good reasons.

Alexis is spoiled and selfish, but not at the actual expense of others, and she's used to the finer things in life. She knows how pretty she is and makes sure you know it, too. She's not really a bitch as much as she's just used to getting what she wants. She comes off as flighty but is really very smart in all the ways that will matter in her own life. She grew up rich and not thrilled with Moira being more concerned with her fans than her, not that that stopped her from taking advantage of her privilege. She was a child actor for a bit, and a teen model, and even a reality star on her critically reviewed limited series, A Little Bit Alexis, for which she sang the title song, and also released it as a single.

Basically Alexis is sorta a nice Paris Hilton, or as I've described her, a rich Quinn Morgendorffer if she was written nowadays.

"Um, were YOU picked up by the South Korean Secret Police on New Year's? I had to sweet talk the consulate's lawyer to get me a passport before midnight."

Alexis' life is insane. Somewhere around middle school she started globetrotting and having adventures and dating Saudi princes. By the time canon starts she has spent time in a Thai drug lord's trunk. Here are some things that have canonically happened to her in high school or before:

-She visited the Playboy Mansion with her mom when she was seven.
-She has a lower back tattoo that she got in Hong Kong when she was twelve. Her parents do not know.
-She was going through armed checkpoints in Johannesburg at fourteen. Her parents do not know she was ever in South Africa.
-Her first kiss was with Jared Leto.
-Her best friend used to date Hugh Hefner in high school but it's not as weird as it sounds because he was like, a very young 77.
-She stuffed her best friend into a suitcase to cross the border between Laos and Vietnam.
-She won't finish high school but she WILL meet Beyoncé in Mykonos. It's a very boring story that involves a yacht and a famous soccer player and like a ton of mushrooms.

Her adult life is only gonna get crazier. If there's a chance to get kidnapped at FH, she will! She'll also get way too good at getting out of it, or at least have ideas on how to do so. She'll name drop celebrities, she'll make a comment about something dangerous she did in a foreign country, and then not explain any of it.

BDEs will be nothing to her. She'll get weirded out in the moment and then years from now it'll be "God, David, who hasn't been probed on an alien spaceship?"

"I don't skate through life, David. I walk through life, in really nice shoes."

First and foremost when it comes to what Alexis looks like, she is a hot Muppet. Her face does things I'm going to have such a fun time trying to describe. She is incredibly expressive. Her hand gestures are also pretty specific. Annie Murphy describes it as "a T-rex playing a piano in an old timey saloon." Think of someone holding their purse in the crook of their elbow. There's just no purse here. You can see it in the gif.

Nose boops are a sign of affection.

Otherwise, think of an influencer in the making. Her clothes are all designer with a boho twinge to them, she can often be seen wearing a necklace with an A on it, her hair is impeccable and her way of brushing it back means that she never actually disturbs it. Will she wear sequins to the Wednesday shenanigans if there's someone she wants to impress? YUP. And she'll have zero shame about it.

"I don't want to brag, but US Weekly once described me as 'up for anything.'"

Things to know: Alexis is coming from pre-canon, circa 2004 and she totally enrolled at FH back in January. She chose a boarding school in Switzerland, her parents weren't paying attention and sent her to Maryland by accident, and she promptly got in a bus crash, kidnapped by Krampus, and strung up over lava when she unsuccessfully tried to seduce him for freedom. And once she got out, she went to a club on the mainland, met some senator's son, and hopped around Europe for a while before coming back.

This means Alexis has been enrolled at Fandom High this entire time. So if you had her as a little sibling, or supposedly had her in your class, feel free to recognize her name.

Or recognize her from starting a damn trend in seducing Krampus.